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Dec. 30th, 2007

"losing it"

(no subject)

im really stupid sometimes.  like beyond stupid.  i cant ever just let things be or "let go and let god" as they say or let things happen the way they are supposed to happen.  instead my mind just races and races and races and simple things that normal people understand and get my mind just keeps going and cant wrap itself around them because it just keeps going.  and it makes me so tense and i cant stop dwelling on things and thinking about and analyzing things.  instead of just accepting and letting and being and trusting i go crazy, i ask a million obnoxious questions, i drive other people crazy, and GAH!!!!  and im doing it right now.  i hope it doesnt ruin this chance i might have at one of having a relationship with probably the most amazing guy ive ever met.  im just so terrified that im going to blow it.  and me being so terrified and analytical and crazy means that the chances of me blowing it (aka driving him crazy or away) sky rocket.  WHY, GOD, WHY CAN'T I JUST LET THINGS HAPPEN AND BE NORMAL!?!?!?!? id really like to be able to do that right about now.    

Dec. 28th, 2007

julie and christopher

(no subject)

i was just rooting through the mail in our kitchen (there is mounds of it) and found a letter from dear old cathedral.  from at least 2 weeks ago.  never opened.  haha.  so i opened it.  it was a letter from the one and only president helmich (oh, wait, i mean heimlich maneuver) asking for money.  how appropriate.  and it disgusted me.  there arent words really to describe why ihave such a hatred of this man...self serving, self involved, greedy, rude, and others just dont seem to hit the nail on the head.  but he makes me so angry.  sometimes i really think about how life would have been if ihad gone to another high school.  i wouldnt be hanging out with ann and chris tonight...and that would suck.  im sure i would have ended up at saint marys.  and im sure i would have found a way into being a theatre major as well, but who knows.  one can only ponder. 

i was watching AFI's top 100 movies today, and one of the top 15 ( i think) was its a wonderful life, and this one actor, whos name esapes me right now, was talking abou thow he loves to think about or talk about alternative history/reality.  like how things would be different if a person had made a different choice and how that choice affects the whole world.  its really interesting to think about. 

Dec. 20th, 2007

time, breath, step, chance

falalalala lifetime

yes, thats what it says in the bottom right corner of my tv...who doesnt love a bad lifetime christmas movie to get them in the spirit.  and apparently falalalala lifetime is their holiday logo...which is pretty sad actually.

anywho, finals are over.  my last fall semester of college.  whoa.  only one semester left.  like i said.  whoa.  good news though, is that i just got an email from katie and i passed my comp and my advanced w. thank god.

wow, this particular lifetime movie is about as bad as it comes.  like i can usually handle some shitty acting.  but this is horrendous on all accounts.  that movie i watched over thanksgiving break about the german and american soldiers during WWII was alright.  they were speaking german half the time, so you know, whatever. 

ive got some interesting stuff going on right now.  that always makes life interesting.

i visited smiley at his job yesterday.  hes always giving me shit for not visiting him.  so i did.  it was fun actually. 

christmas shopping todya, then ice skating :)      

Dec. 17th, 2007

time, breath, step, chance

(no subject)

some bad shit went down today.  but there was other stuff that made up for it tenfold.  thats how the cookie crumbles sometimes, thank god.  although, lately it seems that i usually dont get the make up for it stuff...oh well. 

ALMOST done with finals. gotta print some stuff for my directing portfolio and have a meeting with mark for feedback from my show.  also gotta finish scene design project.  gah i hate this. if i were to give up stage management for something else in theatre, it would DEFINATELY be lighting design and NOT scene design.  thats for damn sure.

the office needs to come back on RIGHT NOW.  i need some more jim and pam in my life to fill the void of whatever my life is...wow that was sad...

lastly, i really want some apples and peanut butter right now...alas i have neither.

Dec. 10th, 2007

time, breath, step, chance

(no subject)

damn its been a sucky night.

getting blwon off.  hail.

then i spent 4.5 hours working on my damned scene design model and was getting my ass kicked by it.  damnitt.  plus the chairs in the basement of le mans are so crappy and light weight that as i leaned forward in one it slipped out from under me and i fell on my ass.  funny?  yeah not cuz i was working with knives and shit so i coulda been hurt.  fuck that shit.

i got locked out of my bathroom AGAIN by the girls i share it with.  fuck that shit.

my window has been jammed for a week and i cant shut off the steam heat in my room, so i finally decide to fight it and practically throw out my back.  accidentally sit on my curtains and make them and their tension rods come crashing down on me.  finally get the window open.  fuck that shit.

oh, and its 2am and im not tired cuz i was so drunk last night that i slept til 1 today and now im wide awake still.  and ive got a lot to do tomorrow so i need to sleep.  i guess i could start now....fuck that shit.

i kn ow, im being whiney.  whatever, iearned it. 

Dec. 4th, 2007

time, breath, step, chance

(no subject)

also, something just reminded me of one of the better office moments:

Michael Scott: You people are jerks. Imagine if you had left Stevie Wonder on the floor of that bathroom instead of me.
Phyllis: Oh, we wouldn't do that, we love Stevie Wonder.
time, breath, step, chance

(no subject)

you know how i said the last few days have been miserable??? yeah.  its REALLY true now.  my computer COMPLETELY crashed.  totally.  no more hard drive.  a friend of mine is working ot see if any of my data can be recovered, bt im worried that it cant.  damnit.

good news on that front is that im getting a new computer.  but i cant quite be excited about it because here i am, in trumper, trying to write a paper-that sucks to begin with.  and its harder than trying to focus in my room.  damnitt.  PLUS, there are AT LEAST 15 girls in here who i KNOW have computers of their own and  i had to come down and FIGHT some batches for  a free computer.  THAT pisses me off.  so like i said, its good im getting one, but  i cant seem to get over the probably lost documents, music and photos--75% of that stuff that ihave is backed up on flash drive and external hard drive, but not all of it...awesome.

here is the new computer im getting.  dad went out and bought it today.  he felt realllly bad about my computer for some reason.  i guess it doesnt help that ive had the most stressful and miserable month of my life...  http://www.bestbuy.com/site/olspage.jsp?skuId=8534188&type=product&id=1186008220258
its pretty bitchin.

plus, he told me he missed me 0:)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

but, i am usually good at whipping out papers.  its usually just a matter of me sitting down and doing it.  well, im sitting here and this stupid "case study" isnt whippin out.  fuck shit ass jigga jigga yeah boo boo as smiley would say i say

Dec. 2nd, 2007

time, breath, step, chance

seriously???

the last 4 days have been the worst days ever.  well yesterday wasnt SO bad, but thursday, friday, and today have been

madrigals this year were AWFUL to set up for.  the music department here treats people like shit and with complete and total disrespect.  its disgusting, thats all i have to say about that.

friday, i went to work on my directing final lights and there were like 15 dimmers than wouldnt come up.  turns out special events came into LT and took 6 twofers from our light plot.  it was awesome.  i had a minor panic attack.  mark saved the day tho, of course.

today, my compter crashed.  icing on the fucking cake.  im currently reinstalling windows.  but i have rehearsal for my show now.  damnitt.

is it christmas yet?????

Nov. 24th, 2007

"to days of inspiration"

(no subject)

connor playing with blocks that were his dad's, then given to me, then i found them and got them out for him to play with on thanksgiving. these are like 25 years old!



the 5 of us girls together again:


and smiley and i at the fooball game:
pooh

(no subject)

so desipte having THE MOST HELLISH tech experience of my life, the last week or so has been pretty awesome :).

My parents and aunt kathy came to friday nights show and loved it. after the show we had a cast party at xtina, carol, and anna's house.  it was a bangin' kegger as smiley would say.  carol and i got realllly shitfaced.  i dont know if ive ever been that drunk.  i dont get the chance to drink very often without having to worry about someone im with or whos going to drive or something.  so it was aweosme.  i did the aspirin and water that night and wasnt really hungover the next day.  i did have a stomach ache from the insane amount of sugar i had in my drinks...we drank hard alcohol with kool-ade, which i kept calling lemonade all night.  my dad told me the next day that drinking with a lot of sugar makes you drunk much, much faster cuz your blood stream absorbs sugar quickly and thereofre alcohol...that explains a lot.

anyways.  smiley came up saturday for the football game.  and we won.  at home.  then we watched a movie in myroom after my dad takingus to roccos.  then spent the night at CP.  sunday he came to my show.  sunday was a bitch because we had 2 shows and my comp was supposed to be due tuesday...

i went into katie's office monday morning and unintentionally started to cry just because i was so extremely exhausted.  shes so empathetic that she gave me an extension until monday after breka.  so ive spent a lot of time over break working on my comp.  i didnt bring any other work home. 

i came home tuesday night and worked on my comp and watched ratatoulle with my mom and fell asleep 10 minutes into it.  then wednesday i worked most of the day and wednesday night we had a girls night at ann's.  all 5 of us havent been together in a LONG time.  we maybe did it once this summer, but havent since like xmas before that... 


thursday was thanksgiving and i slept til 230...whoa.  matt, sarah and connor, and aunt kathy came over for a late dinner.

yesterday i went ant spent money at sephora :)  of course.  then smiley and i went ice skating at pan am.  then we watched christmas movies.  and it was awesome. 

now im watching football and working on my comp.  id rather be doing other things while watching football, but whatever.             

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